I admit, I have trust issues
But you can’t blame me entirely. I once trusted someone, and in turn, I got burned badly. Since then, I guard myself pretty tightly to avoid being hurt again. Maybe this is why I don’t allow myself to have “best friends,” because I’m just scared that one day, that “best friend” will become a stranger or even an enemy walking around knowing my secrets. That’s a risk I can’t and am not ready to take.
I know, I have some pretty intense trust issues. To me, trust is just like a mirror. Once it’s broken, it can be mended again, but there will always be cracks and lines in the reflection. A person can build up a wall of trust with me, but once I find a hole in that wall, the entire wall is torn down and must be rebuilt again, and the second time around, it takes a lot more work to rebuild.
Maybe I’m just searching for reasons not to trust people. Maybe I do have a serious problem. But maybe I’m just looking out for myself.
Close friends may think they know my secrets, but I guarantee you, no one knows all, if any, of my secrets. Not even my sister or parents know all my secrets. But then again, that’s what a secret is. It’s not supposed to be known and shared. And, if someone does know of it, the chances that others will know about it increase greatly, because we’re all familiar with the idea that gossip can spread like wildfire. Maybe someday, I’ll be comfortable enough to share some of my innermost thoughts and troubles with someone I can fully trust, but who knows when that day will be. It takes a lot to gain the entirety of my trust.
“You are the books you read, the films you watch, the music you listen to, the people you meet, the dreams you have, the conversations you engage in. You are what you take from these. You are the sound of the ocean, the breath of fresh air, the brightest light and the darkest corner.
You are a collective of every experience you have had in your life. You are every single second of every single day. So drown yourself in a sea of knowledge and existence. Let the words run through your veins and let the colors fill your mind until there is nothing left to do but explode. There are no wrong answers. Inspiration is everything.
Sit back, relax, and take it all in.
Now, go out and create something.”
Sometimes, drama happens, but you just can’t stay mad at someone, simply because you’re just that great of friends. Even in a situation when you’re right and the other person is wrong (I’m not even being biased or defensive right now; I’m just stating the fact), all irritation and frustration melts away for you after a few words, and understanding is achieved on both sides.
It’s so hard to describe with words. I’ve had a roller-coaster of emotions through the shit that happened in the past 12 hours, and I won’t go into much detail here, but I do know that this is the rare kind of friendship I’ve always yearned for. And today, I realized I do have it. And although today was full of spontaneous activity, fun, and jokes, the one thing that made me appreciate today to its full extent is the fact that I now know who I can truly consider to be my real and close friends.
Today was, and will always be, one of the best days of my life.